ADULTSMS

Judge: you want to divorce your husband for threatening you with a deadly weapon? Wife: no ur honor i am divorcing him for threatening of every night with dead weapon.

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What is the difference When A Girl Wears A Mini Skirt & A Boy Wears a Mini Skirt? Ans: The Girl Will Look SEXY & The Boy . . . A CHURCH BELL! ;)

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Utility of Mangalsutra? Licence 2 enjoy Kamasutra without Condom.. Whats the utility of a Condom? Licence to enjoy Kamasutra without the Mangalsutra...

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A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

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Sex is a sensation caused by temptation, when a man puts his location in a woman's destination, did U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration?

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Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and can we multiply?

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Boy:what is that u keep in ur mouth which is 6? long and move it in and out and wait for a white substance to come out? Girl: y do u ask such question to me. i cant tell such words Boy:dont worry its tooth brush

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A short thing its get longer as u hold it & pass between woman's breast & enters into a small hole What is it? Ans. cars seat belt…u dirty mind

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A young girl after her honeymoon came fully exhausted and tired, When her friends asked her what happened? She replied : When this 70 year old bastard told me he has saved a lot from last 50 years, "I thought It was MONEY"

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Always start your day with a lot of… S E X S � SMILE E � ENERGY X � XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCC SEX FUL! in LIFE.

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2 men went 2 a callgirl. 1st went in and came out n said "Na my wife is better." 2nd went in and came out n said "U R right ur wife is much better."

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Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher: "can kids of our age have kids?" Teacher replied " NO Never!!" Boy said to girl : "see i told you not to worry!!!!".

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Girl:It's 2 tight Boy:Don't worry,I'll do it slowly, Gal:Push it in, Boy:Ah..I can't, Gal:It's painful, Boy:Forget it. . . . . We'll buy new WEDDING RING!

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A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin and say that i will do anything to pass in the exams and professor says NOW OPEN YOUR . . . . . . Books And Study

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Let me kiss ur lips, let me feel ur teeth, let me feel ur tongue. SMILE! This is ur friend "PEPSODENT" reminding you to brush ur teeth, Twice a day Everyday

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What's an average 6 inch long Inside a guy's pants and girls love to blow it up? ? ? ? ? A:1000- rupee currency note.! Always think positive

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Love is a gamble, Sex is a game, Boyz do the thing Girls get the blame, 1 night in pleasure 9 months of pain 1 day in hospital and a junior needs a name

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NURSE kept SARDAR'S FINGER in HER MOUTH after BLOOD TEST. THEN SARDAR STARTED DANCING . NURSE:y r u DANCING. SARDAR:next is URINE TEST

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Catch her by her waist… Bring her home.. Keep ur hand on her neck Put ur lips on her lips & have a … …nice drink…PEPSI

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3 FEELINGS what is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant & panic is when both r pregnant

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In a party a lady wanted to go to toilet so she inquired with a sardar papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao, sardarji replied u naughty pehle tum dikhao.

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Fair & lovely ke ad ma face dikhaya Ponds ke ad ma hath dikhaya Pentene ke ad ma baal dikhaye Phir Stayfree ke ad ma cheating kyun?

Send to Friends Girl: condoms Dena.. Shopkeeper(masti main): kis liye -e-e-e Girl(Gusse se): Tere baap ko gift karungi, taki tere jaisa dusra CHUTIYA paida na kare.... Send to Friends     Come here, take off your pents and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving yours…..toilet! Send to Friends     In a bath room, a boy touches a girl everywhere! You Know whose that boy? Stupid It's Lifeboy Soap! Dirty people always think dirty. Send to Friends     Can we do romance in the midnight today? I'm in a good mood:) Just a little bit of kissing and biting!! Reply me soon, yours Loving Mosquito. Send to Friends     A man while making love to his maid, exclaimed 'Pushpa you are sweeter than my wife' The maid smiled and said 'i know 'cos the driver always tells me so' Send to Friends     It's the thing that satisfies ur mind, body & soul! Do it on bed, on a sofa, in the car or anywhere! It's called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind. Send to Friends     Last night I desperately missed you I wanted to feel u on my naked body. I had to go to bed without you.... where are u stupid pyjamas.....! Send to Friends     Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS: "Me sick, no work" Boss SMS back: "When I am sick I kiss my wife try it" 2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss: "Me ok, ur wife very sweet" Send to Friends     I want to suck you … lick you … wanna move my tongue all over you … wanna feel you in my mouth … yep, that's how I … eat an ice cream! Send to Friends     What's hairy on the outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in the middle? Answer: 'COCUNUT' Send to Friends     Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME! Send to Friends     A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked? Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 20-30 minutes and don't f**k u, u will feel the same? Send to Friends     Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between Send to Friends     Funny Laws of sex > The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. > Nothing improves with age. > No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. > Sex has no calories. > Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. > There is no remedy for sex but more sex. > Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. > No sex with anyone in the same office. > Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. > A man in the house is worth two in the street. > If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. > Virginity can be cured. > When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him. > Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. > The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later. > Sex is dirty only if it's done right. > It is always the wrong time of month. > The best way to hold a man is in your arms. > When the lights are out, all women are beautiful. > Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either. > Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure. > The younger the better. > The game of love is never called off on account of darkness. > It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden. > Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly. > Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. > There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it. > Love your neighbor, but don't get caught. > Love is a hole in the heart. > If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon. > Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics. > Do it only with the best. > Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning. > One good turn gets most of the blankets. > You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women. > Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. > It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. > Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood. > Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you. > Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. > Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested. > A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. > What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick. > It is better to be looked over than overlooked. > Never say no. > A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. > Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps. > Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. > Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog. > A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. > Love comes in spurts. > The world does not revolve on an axis. > Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant. > Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking. > Don't do it if you can't keep it up. > There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. > Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight. > Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. > "This won't hurt, I promise."